And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
