my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
