My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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