nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
