Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
