he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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