It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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