fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
