Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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