I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
