People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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