So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
