I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
