Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
