yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize