Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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