I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
