Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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