it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
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i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize