Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
