just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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