my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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