Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I intend to get homeless drunk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
