i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
