She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
