Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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