I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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