I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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