I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
