No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
