Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
