so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
