Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
