when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
