I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
God, I missed his penis.
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