Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
