remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
