Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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