before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Holy sore nipples Batman
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
