I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just had sex on a roof
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
