My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.