We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
