I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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