dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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