You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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