Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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