I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
