hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches