Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My butt remains clenched, sir.