Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.