I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches