Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo