Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
don't judge my taste in strippers
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
