Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
