the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
