Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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