Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
