just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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