First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
