Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
