I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
And then he peed in my hair
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