Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
