I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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