hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
