you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
