i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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