you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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