he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
