I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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