I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
