I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
