My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
