i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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