Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
